In the never-ending battle to part parishioners from their money, churches are embracing a new weapon. A weapon so diabolical that it coerces helpless white upper-middle-class people in to handing their fortunes over to the Lord. It leaves the victim feeling hopeful that it will actually be used for some good, when in actuality it will be spent on frivolous church decorations, statues, and gold plated crucifixes.
This weapon that I speak of is the brain child of Pastor Marty Baker and is codenamed, "ATM For Jesus" or simply "Giving Kiosks." Developed in secret, these machines have infiltrated several churches and have taken in roughly $240,000 in the 1,100-member Stevens Creek Community Church this year alone!
Even though there appears to be no stopping this money snatching monster, Baker is already planning the second generation. A device that can be secretly placed behind each and every pew. Nobody will be safe. Nobody!
Related posts:
- Existence Of Jesus On Trial
- Don’t Dis Jesus In Singapore
- In God We Trust
- Chuck Norris Takes Swing At Separation Of Church And State
- Jesus Christ Supercop 1
Jesus (peace be upon him) christ, I am going to divinity school. It’s free, and it pays better than all jobs I maintan now just to afford a 1st world substance level existence.
Now, who wants to join The Last Church of Christ?
I’m waiting for some church to set-up quickpay or better yet direct-deposit that way they can get their cut right off the top. Who cares if you have to eat ramen noodles all month, pay your tithes!
GIVE GOD THE FIRST PORTION OF YOUR INCOME! Give it First! Not after the tax deductions, not after the groceries, or little Timmy’s medical bills. NO! God demands that we give unto him the first portion of our income! Praise Jesus and pass the collection plate. We need more money to keep this 4 acre church running, despite being exempt from income and property taxes and having a staff of 2 pastors and 10 volunteer technicians. We must fund the church of god!
Hey, since churches are non-profit, does that mean that like PETA or the Red Cross, that their tax records are a matter of public domain?
Don’t these people know anything? Purgatory is like soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 500 years ago.
“A fool and his money will soon be parted.” I get the BIGGEST kick out of christianity. That anyone can believe in this fairy tale and yet not believe in santa clause astounds me, hell theres more evidence for the existance of santa than god. It seems to me that christianity was FOUNDED soley on the idea of getting others money with as little effort as possible, and wow have they succeeded.
“coerces helpless white upper-middle-class people in to handing their fortunes”?
Um… exactly how are upper-middle-class people with fortunes helpless? :)
Mentally.
Money is an indication of Fitness in the 21st century
If people give out money of which they don’t have much their fitness goes down
Thus survival of the fittest means they have to die out soon.
I don’t know how it is in your western world exactly but here the RELIGIOUS people marry pretty much without knowing eachother, and thus survival of the fittest doesn’t apply in the Religion Islamic Families here in israel at least(and i’m tempted to generalize that to all of the middle east)
Wow! This story has created some conversation. It is easy to read an article and immediately think that you are an expert on church work and on digital giving. That’s not how it works. I’ve been in church work for 25 years and have three degrees in my trade, but I AM NOT an expert. I am just a fellow struggler seeking to understand my walk with Christ and my service to His church.
Speaking of His Church. The Bible is clear that the church is to be funded by those who are following Christ. If you are not a Christ follower, don’t worry. Giving is a heart issue. You can put a hundred giving kiosks in your church and not have one extra dollar come in. A giving machine will not increase revenue; a heart surrendered to Christ will.
Now about those fees. Apparently you guys are sadly mistaken about SecureGive’s cut in those fees. Here’s the truth. When I first rolled out the kiosks in March 2005, it was based on a e-commerce model. Every month I would cringe because of the fees that we were paying the bank to process the donations. I wanted more money to stay in the ministry.
I invested thousands of dollars of my own money to “crack the code” and to use PIN secured debit on our kiosks. Why? … to save the church money! Here’s the difference … if you donate $1000 to your favorite charity or church on their website, it will cost that organization around $20 to process that gift. With the SecureGive system, a thousand dollar gift given with a pin-secured debit card will cost the church $1.00. Out of that dollar, SecureGive would get around .30. So, we make .30 out of a $1000.00 transactions. That won’t send your kids to college (I have two kids in college). Bank fees are not where we are getting our money. We charge $49.95 per month for our services. That covers software licenses, ssl certificates, hosting fees, and so forth. So far this has been a labor of love and a passion to help churches to resource their ministries.
Maybe in the furture it will turn around. I hope so.
Be blessed today!
Marty Baker
marty.baker@securegive.com
The problem here, Marty Baker, is that YOU get 30 cents in YOUR pocket every time a member of YOUR church swipes their debit card. Unless, of course, there is full disclosure to your congregation that a portion of their tithe goes directly in Marty Baker’s pocket. Is that the case? Does your congregation approve of your for-profit company operating in their church? How can you not see the impropriety in this? It doesn’t matter if it’s just a small fraction of the donation. The issue is that a portion of this donation becomes your profit! You say it won’t “send your kids to college;” I’m curious how many individual “swipes” there were at your church last year. Or how many swipes there were on all of your Tithe-O-Matics across the country. It may not pay tuition, but I’ll bet it covers at least some of the cost of their books!
@Marty Baker
I read about something like that in one book, once. There was this fellow with odd thoughts and liberal views who used physical force to drive moneylenders out of the place of worship. He was otherwise quite peaceful fellow so he must had felt it was really bad thing to peddle with money in a place of worship.
I just cannot shake the feeling that this is a case where people would need that fellow again.
oh, yes, he was called Jesus by some.
The first thing that pops into my head when I read this is a song by Bad Religion. The opening lyrics go like this.
Neighbors, no one loves you like he loves you,
And no one cares like he cares.
Neighbors, let us join today in the holy love of God and money,
Because neighbors, no one loves you like He loves you.
And what better way to show your love than to dig deep into your pockets.
Dig real deep, until it hurts. Alleviate your guilt,
Free yourself once again, because he gave to you, brothers and sisters.
Please give a 10, 25, or 50 dollar tax-deductible donation,
And I assure you your modest pledge will be used to censor TV and radio,
Ban questionable books, and contribute to many other Godly services.
No longer will young Christian Americans hedonistically indulge
In masochistic submission to rhythmic music, for with your monetary support,
There is no end to what we can achieve in this country.
if that doesnt fit perfectly into this story I dont know what does
Oh yeah, we forgot… as long as churches stick with candles, Latin and Gregorian chat and remain culturally out-of-touch an irrelevant we won’t be criticicized. No, that didn’t work. Perhaps we should also avoid banks (fees, you know) and investments (profit is so tawdry).
Marty has discovered what other churches have ignored to their peril: this generation carries no cash and they don’t write checks. They do everything in their life with a Debit Card. Then they enter a church, and they are entering in droves with great enthusiasm, and discover contributions are only received using 1980′s methodology. Marty has solved a problem for churches and for people who want to support them with their contributions.
On what socialist utopian planet should a man develop an entrepreneurial solution and not be compensated for it? I say GO MARTY!
One of the secrets to getting more traffic to blogs is to already have more visitors. There are the haves and then there are the have nots. Same thing with web traffic. The one rule about search engines that never seems to change is that they love content above all else. When lots of people visit your blog and leave comments, that’s like getting free content for your website. Of course, if you really want to ramp up your traffic then you need a boost. Fortunately, some has already ‘invented the wheel’ on this. I managed to stumble across a system that includes everything that you need to know about getting free traffic to your blog. The traffic does not just come from one source either. You can get visitors from other blogs, through video marketing, web forums and much more. If you want to take your blog to the next level then this package is something that you really need. Even if you consider yourself to be an expert on getting free traffic, you will find some great information, tricks and tips in these strategies. Go ahead and take your traffic to the next level, I dare you. http://tinyurl.com/tmdeals
fotbollströjor barn \n Excellent weblog here! Also your site a lot up fast! What web host are you the use of? Can I get your associate hyperlink to your host? I want my web site fotbollstrojor sverigen loaded up as quickly as yours lol|