Alipio Acosta, a Columbian farmer, was born with epilepsy. Seeing as how God was responsible for this condition, Acosta had tried contacting him/her/it to see if his warranty was still valid. After numerous failed attempts, Acosta went for the second best, Jesus. Not surprisingly, Jesus was nowhere to be found.
But Acosta was determined, so he found the nearest 45-foot tall statue of Jesus. Maybe his prayers would be answered now, he thought to himself, as Jesus will surely hear his them! Jesus didn’t respond, so Acosta thought it best to climb the 45-foot Jesus and whisper his prayers right in Jesus’ ear.
Unfortunately, Jesus wasn’t in the miracle mood. After speaking to him, Acosta began his decent when suddenly he lost his grip and plummeted 45 feet. Jesus just stood motionless and watched as one of his precious children nearly fell to his death.
Now just between you and me, it was raining earlier in the day and that made Jesus slippery. Now we all know that rain comes from God. Makes you wonder if this was some sort of sick and twisted father/son game. Not that I’m saying it was, but you know.
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November 8th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
The bigger the Jesus statue, the more powerful? ;)
November 8th, 2006 at 2:54 pm
The bigger the statue of Jesus, the more ignorant the local populous, is more likely.
This just caused a thought. Isn’t there a ‘Thou shalt not make an engraven image of God’ clause in the Bible? Don’t Christians believe Jesus and God are one and the same? Isn’t a statue an engraven image, as are many Catholic crucifixes? Don’t Christians realize how arbitrary their choice is of which Bible tenants to follow? Ah, nothing quite like arbitrary morality!
November 8th, 2006 at 3:35 pm
“”Don’t Christians believe Jesus and God are one and the same? Isn’t a statue an engraven image, as are many Catholic crucifixes? Don’t Christians realize how arbitrary their choice is of which Bible tenants to follow? Ah, nothing quite like arbitrary morality!”"
To answer those:
A - Depends on which cul…erm stream of christianity you follow
B - Yes it is, buut, you get paid for them
C - Pick one: Yes, but they don’t care as it’s far more convenient this way. OR: No, they’re far to ignorant.
Arbitrary morality is great, as you can brag to other people how righteous they are AND not do anything for it.
November 8th, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Looks to me like jesus is cheering. Apparently even statues like to see idiots eat pavement.
November 8th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
This could have been so much worse, and odly I find myself wishing that it had been.
November 8th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
^*oddly
Just imagine the headline: “50-Foot tall Jesus Murders Epileptic!” Kinda has a nice ring to it. I mean look at the way he’s hanging on that arm… that’s just plain retarded. You gotta figure if God really is up there, he’d be obligated to do SOMETHING to that guy. Come to think of it… that’s probably why he slipped in the first place. God must have been doing His job after all.
November 8th, 2006 at 4:17 pm
By the human authority of the early church, these are not Graven images but holy icons. Its not blasphemy when we say it isn’t.
November 8th, 2006 at 4:34 pm
Ah, thanks. The word ‘arbitrary’ still comes to mind. It would be like if a religion that forbade certain activities in public places on certain days of the week and a bunch of religious authority figures got together and re-defined ‘non-public’ as including anything inside a certain type of fence with a strange name. Oh, wait.
November 8th, 2006 at 4:49 pm
“50-Foot tall Jesus Murders Epileptic!â€
“”Its not blasphemy when we say it isn’t.”"
Brilliant :)
November 8th, 2006 at 4:52 pm
“50-Foot tall Jesus Murders Epileptic!â€
Dammit, I just about choked on my COLD-EEZE(R) when I read that. At work.
November 8th, 2006 at 5:49 pm
If he’d set up eruv before-hand he might have lived, he could have disallowed the laws of gravity ;-)
November 8th, 2006 at 5:56 pm
sidfaiwu, are you implying that religions can be full of arbitrary choices that exist for no reason other than the potential gain of entrepreneurial organization leaders and the continual ogma of uncritical members??
No way!
But seriously, if a 50 foot statue of Jesus doesn’t fall under idolatry, I’m hard pressed to say what does. But hey, God must say it’s okay, so what can you do?
November 8th, 2006 at 5:57 pm
*dogma
November 8th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
I’m as shocked as you, Snurp.
November 9th, 2006 at 4:15 am
Surely this article is more about natural selection than Jesus? :)
March 14th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
You have got to be kidding me right
March 14th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Sadly Tami I am not :(
March 14th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
Maybe Jesus is just gettin’ old and can’t hear?
Oh yeah, he’s apparently an omnipotent, omniscent tri-being…..
Cruel bugger isn’t he!
June 8th, 2007 at 12:37 am
It is sad listening to you i was looking photos of Christ himself and i came across this. In the Bible it say don make any idols what it is talking about is statues about god’s. because God is the great I AM the ONE And ONLY God!!! He loves you even though you dont love him. but Just because you are afraid of what you explain dosnt mean you make fun of it. When you are alive you cant see your BRAIN so from what you are saying IT DOSNT EXSIST. God is like the air you cant see him you can see his works and his affects and you can feel him…I had a tumor when i was two I had Many MANY doctors look at me and tell me i had Cancer and i could die if they touched me. Prayers where said for me across the state. When a speciais Came and took a look at me getting ready to put me through surgery he came to my parents and said she is a miracle it was there and now it IS GONE he also said the only explination is that there is a GOD!!
June 8th, 2007 at 4:45 am
“When you are alive you cant see your BRAIN so from what you are saying IT DOSNT EXSIST.”
wow, your logic is flawless.