It’s been a while since we’ve done a little questions and answers session with a reader so let’s have at it.
I’ve been talking with Bridgett recently, one of our regular readers who you may recognize as deletedsoul. She was kind enough to share her evangelical childhood experiences with me. It’s very well written and insightful. I promptly asked if she’d be interested in sharing it with the world. She agreed with hopes that it might shed some light on the evangelical lifestyle and it’s effects on her.
Here’s a sample taken from her blog entry. If you find it interesting, please read the entire post at her site. Once you’re done please ask Bridgett any questions you’d like in the comments section here. I’ll pass them off to her this weekend and provide you with the answers once I receive them.
There is only one rule. Keep the questions and comments on track and pertinent to the topic (no flaming evangelicals). Bridgett was kind enough to let us in to her life, so please show her the respect that she deserves.
Me at 17–deletedsoul:
At 17 I was immersed in “church life”, fighting with my parents and many issues at home, yet still trying to live up to the expectations that they held for me. I wasn’t expected to get a college degree, I wasn’t even fully expected to find a husband and start a family. No…the expectation…the requirement…was that I would remain a steadfast, semi-fanatical, non-questioning, devout, spiritual “Christian”. Granted, I had my moments of rebellion growing up, but I never slipped out of the house late at night, I never smoked, never drank or did any drugs. The closest thing to sex was stolen kisses behind the church or a naughty late night chat session (once I finally had internet access). No, I was a good kid, as far as appearances go. I had to appear meek and devout, innocent and un-tainted.
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March 14th, 2007 at 11:58 am
Wow, That’s pretty heavy.
March 14th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
[...] Here's a link to the post, go visit and leave a comment there! [...]
March 14th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Originally I’d ask a bunch of questions regarding your faith, but instead I was going to ask. What’s your opinion of young evangelicals today? There’s a growing trend young adults becoming active recruiters. The use of peer pressure and training has lead to the so called “para-ministers” mostly working their way into social circles in schools and such. Id go so far as to say a lot of these people also are quite skilled at dealing with arguments against creationism? I feel it’s just sophisticated brainwashing but I’m sure you have a interesting angle on it.
March 14th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Hello deletedsoul,
Thank you for the opportunity to ask questions. Your blog entry was well written and interesting. Congratulations on becoming a fellow ex-evangelical. It takes a great deal of personal courage and integrity to reject the beliefs of our parents.
I have a few questions. Please, don’t feel that you have to respond to them all.
1. How would you categorize and/or describe your current view of religion? Non-evangelical Christian? Agnostic? Atheist? Pastafarian? Other?
2. Is your family aware of your choice to reject their beliefs? If so, how did they react when they found out and how do they treat you now?
3. Do you go through a period of deep resentment for being lied to? I know I did, and still do from time to time.
March 14th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
1) Whst does it mean for someone to be an “evangelical” in your mind?
2) If you feel, as Sid said, that you’ve been lied to, what was the lie?
3) You say that you’d never be part of a church again. Do you mean any church, just a Christian church, or that particular sub set of Christianity?
March 14th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
When you were still, how do I say this, “under the influence” of faith, what was your opinion of those who didn’t believe? I oftentimes wonder just what most evangelicals actually think. I find it tough to belive that most of them are as radical as the loudest few are, and so I wonder. Also, how did others you knew react to nonbelievers/those of other faith/those “not faithful enough”? Did it seem like some of them really weren’t that fanatic about it? Did it seem like for many it was just being pushed along and a fear of alienation, or something else? Or is it really that involving? From what I’ve seen, much of it these days is about creating a virtually intoxicating experience and then trying to affect people’s opinions under this kind of state.
March 14th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Hi deletedsoul -
like you, I used to be an evangelical too, but have become (at the moment, seemingly) irreversibly disgusted with Christianity. I’m now an agnostic/athiest. I frequent this blog often for like-minded discussion and because I think it so well exposes serious flaws in religion.
As a former Christian, I think you can well understand the difficulties in reconciling the idea[delusion] that a loved-one is “doomed to hell” — it is because of this, I’ve continued to lead my aunts/uncles and cousins to think that I’m still Christian for over a decade. I still have difficulty with this because it’s intellectually dishonest for me, but as one who used to be part of the “dark side”, and you know as well as I do that this allows me to avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and hassle on both sides.
I was wondering what you think of this policy. What have you done in your life, and your move out of your church to deal with family and friends who care and love you?
(I don’t mind anyone else answering my question as well, since I’m always curious about other peoples’ points of view…)
March 14th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
deletedsoul - First, thanks for posting the story of your journey. Mine follows a similar vein although I didn’t finally throw off the shackles of religion until around my 27th birthday. I am almost 29 now. I remember the pain removing that thorn caused me and I wasn’t lucky enough to have someone to guide me down that path.
My wife has lost faith in organized religion and I can see her struggling with her faith. I am not pushing atheism on her as that would be no better than her parents doing it. My question is, what did your husband do for you to support you on your journey from Evangelical to where you are now? I want to ease her through the loss of faith, if that is what she chooses, as well as I can.
March 14th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
Hey Deletedsoul, always good to see the blind gain the ability to see :)
My story is somewhat similar to yours, with the immersion in the Southern Baptist belief system. Having it pushed down your throat constantly. Forced to go to church. I dispise every parent that does that to a kid because I know what it is like. They DON’T BELIEVE. They just tell themselves they do to satisfy you. Eventually they either rebel against it completely, like me, or they become brainwashed into believing they do. It is called indoctrination, and it is wrong.
When did I finally realize 100% that there was no god? It was when I was in boot camp. It was tough, and I prayed nightly for god to get me through it. I am not sure what it was but eventually I came to the realization that it was moronic for me to be praying to god to get me through that experience. That the only entity that could get me through it was me. And I did. Of course, some people will say that god answered my prayers. If he/she/it did, the prayer that they answered was the one that got them out of my life forever. Once on the outside, I can see the ridiculous nature of organized religion. And I give thanks to reason every day for my freedom from that horrorfest.
March 15th, 2007 at 2:31 am
Do you remember if there was a specific argument or moment that made you change your mind about religion?
March 15th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Sounds quite familiar, a lot like what I went through at almost the same age(though I used to be a Moslem)
Most questions I was going to ask were already put forth by the other people here, this is all that remains:
When/How/Why(if at all) did you decide to tell your family/friends that you had abandoned the Church? (empathies on the why)
March 15th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
I brought up in secular humanism; I wish my experience was like this one. No, I satified my flesh in every way imaginable with the encouragement of those in authority. To boot, I was miserable and knew it. I praise God that Jesus entered my life at 30 yrs. old (This freak has a Master’s Degree and makes just under six figures). There are many like myself that see your religion as divisive.
Scripture is Good News - my four kids love church, life, Jesus, Sports, Sunday School, reading the Bible, their parents, friends (saved and unsaved), etc. I see many of their peers sad, unsure, lonely, etc… not that they will never face disappointment and trials, but your religion of secular humanism has left a historial and scientific trail of darkness and emptiness that can not be measured.
HEY, CALL ME A FREAK (AND THE BILLIONS OF OTHERS THAT HAVE OR WILL EXPERIENCE A LIFE WITHOUT EVIL, DARKNESS, AND NO HOPE!!!
March 15th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Also, Jesus loves each one in this blog.
I pray he uses your curosity and openness to the spiritual to save souls through Faith (not works, which it appears many here experienced - Note that is not the Christianity outline in God’s Words).
March 15th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
I work with youth and see a disconnect between what there parents supposedly believe and what they do. It is human to be weak. to look for a way out, to do what is easier for us. So parents do it, they know their kids will.
Ive noticed people telling their kids the right thing while not adhering to it themselves. It doesnt mean its bad advice or belief its just that they dont want to see the ones they love make the same mistakes. Just like a good parent wants to protect their children you do what you think is best. Sometimes it doesnt work. Sometimes we error while trying to do what we think is best. We are all going to be guilty of that from time to time.
This is not at all in response to what the Deleted soul’s experience. I dont want to make light of pain. Suffering is seasonal it seems. I have had tons even since walking with Jesus (through the spirit). I know that sounds weird but that is the thing I have come to know more than anything in life. he doesnt deliver us out of life, He just is with me through it. I know That I never have to walk through it alone. sometimes it feels like no one else knows what it feels like to be me. But then he reminds me that he suffered all things too. Not to “one up me” but to say hey your identifying with me. and I love him.
Have you ever weeped because of the overwhelming happiness that you have inside? Everytime I feel his presence I break.
March 15th, 2007 at 3:41 pm
http://www.rochesterfirst.org/revaudio3.html
March 15th, 2007 at 7:09 pm
wow, that’s almost exactly the way I feel about it. Like religion is some kind of asuring yourself that everything is going to be allright, that someone is going to fix everything for you, while you really have to do it yourself (or ask a real person for help)
Now for an actual question:
Why do you think you shouldn’t tell religious people they are/might be wrong?
Personally, I don’t want to put anyone through the disillusionment I went through, when I put two and two together and figured out God was as real as santaclause, but I think that it is for the best. Some people really are beyond help, but I’m much happier now that i’m not wasting my time in church and prayer, but actually fix my problems.
March 17th, 2007 at 4:20 pm
You know, Worldview’s response made me chuckle a little. It seems whenever a believer starts talking about how they “found christ” they were always a miserable soul until they were enlightened. They also always talk about how they survey the landscape and see all of us heathens miserable, etc and we don’t even know it. Its like they all read from a script.
I guess when you believe in nonsense, thats just about all you can talk about. For the record, once I dropped god like a hot potato, I became a MUCH happier person. I would be even more happy if your flock would quit coming to my door every saturday and stop trying to pass laws based on your little book.
Oh and Ben? When you break down and weep because of the “overwelming happiness” you have inside, it sounds like a chemical imbalance and you might want to have that looked at.
Since two seem so sure of yourselves, I have a question for you. It is a time honored question mixed with the subject of this thread (indoctrination of youth by adults ). Would you say that your belief is mutually exclusive with, say, the beliefs of Islamic folk. For instance, someone born and raised and dies islamic can not go to heaven since they didn’t accept your jesus. And, conversely, according to them (someone will have to correct me if I am wrong, I know almost nothing about this form of the sickness) you will be going to whatever they have for hell since you never accepted muhammed or whatever. With that stated, wouldn’t them teaching their kids that islam is the one true way be damning their kids to hell? Those kids would never have a chance to make a fair choice since they are raised from the diaper to believe they are right. Assuming you are right (I giggled a little at that thought) then they are committing a huge injustice in teaching their kids their religion before they ever had a chance to make up their own mind. They were FORCED into a belief system. And vice versa.
My point is this: Survey the landscape of religions out there, how many of them are there? How many of them are, like yours, exclusive of all other religions? Do you HONESTLY believe you just happened to be born into a family or a country that knew the one true religion? How do you know this? Because someone told you? Because you “feel” it?
You have NO idea how funny your religion is. I really have a hard time coming to terms with the concept that a thinking, reasonably intelligent human being can believe that junk at all. Yet they do. It just floors me. And you have NO idea just how silly it all is either! haha
March 17th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Hey Deleto soulo…got asbestos?
March 17th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Funny how it is all a silly joke to you, but you can’t stop talking about it and even name yourself in relation to it…or should I say Him.
March 17th, 2007 at 7:26 pm
I am going to assume your comment was directed at me there Charles. I think it is a fair assumption.
I can’t stop talking about it? On a site that is dedicated to it? Do you know how moronic that comment is? What do you mean by “name myself in relation to it”? Are you referring to my name? If so, it was my mother’s idea - not mine. After 35 years, I am quite attached to it now.
I swear, I think you are the poster child for believers.
March 18th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Michael, I don’t want to hijack this thread, but I’ll make two quick comments.
One) I don’t have any problem beliving that you’re legitimately happy. You can do whatever you please and fill every need you have. How could that not make you happy.
Two) Being a Christian doesn’t automagically make one happy and my brethren up there that seem to be claiming that it does are doing so for good, if misguided, reasons. I’m happy sometimes, sad others. Being a Christian isn’t about “feeling good”.
March 19th, 2007 at 9:58 am
Hi Scott,
I just needed to clear one thing up. Your point number one is incorrect. I can not do whatever I please and fill every need I have. This is a common believer fallacy. They seem to believe without god, one can not be moral, which I laughable. It is just as false as saying that with god one can not do evil. I certainly hope you don’t believe that.
Of course I can’t say I have never stolen. Always minor stuff as a child, as children will do. This was also during the time I thought I believed in god :) Since I became an adult the only thing I have stolen is downloaded some music. Yea, I am evil for that. I bet a lot of so called christians have done at least that, many more. I have never murdered, can all christians say that? Never mugged anyone. Don’t drink or do drugs. Not a racist, lots of so called christians can’t say that.
I’m not going to go on all day listing all possible sins, I am sure you get my point. JUST because you believe in god does not make you inherently more moral. In some cases I find it makes you LESS moral since, as stated earlier, it is fairly easy for one to justify all kinds of stuff if you are just doing it for god. Just ask the “witches” in Salem during the burnings.
March 19th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
I didn’t say it makes you less moral. It just means that you can set your own morality. Of course you could successfully argue that I can too by picking and choosing form different parts of the Bible. By “do whatever you please” I honeslty only meant that. I’ve known many atheists that I would consider moral people.
November 10th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Bridget has thought-provoking recollections and reflections. What she describes is the wing of evangelicalism that believes in grace in theory, but not in practice. It promotes a performance-based religion that stifles true biblical freedom. I’ve had a similar experience, and I hope she or others who are interested can check it out:
Confessions of a Bible Thumper -
http://deepthoughtpub.blogspot.com/
My question to Bridget is do you still have some form of faith in Christ and what does that entail?
November 10th, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Micheal, I don’t think your question will be answered. Your best chance is to respond to het blog (link the article) because the question-and-answer forwarding was a one-time-only thing, and the odds that she’ll read your question are slim, to none.
note the date on the article. March 2007.