Rev. Glenn Fulton and his wife were celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary in Florida during the 4th of July weekend. Little did they know that their trip would rock the very foundation of Christianity and send shockwaves throughout the entire world.
One early morning the couple was at the beach admiring the heavenly sunrise and asking God for guidance… we’ve all been there before right? After several minutes and receiving no words of wisdom from God, the couple left feeling rejected… their faith dented. But as well know, God works in mysterious ways.
Days later the couple returned home and had their photos developed. What they saw shocked them. The photos revealed the origins of man and they were not as expected! Rev Fulton and his wife were stricken with fear that these photos might get out and blow the lid off of the great Christian conspiracy. They burned the photos trying to cover up the incident, but it was too late. A Darwinian operative at the photo place recognized the images immediately and made several copies. He then distributed them to the proper channels (religiousfreaks.com) for analysis. After an exhaustive investigation (2 minutes on Google), I uncovered the mystery behind the photo.
It is with great pleasure that I present my findings to the public. I enhanced the original image to highlight the region in question. I then cropped and magnified it to reveal what so many of us have known inside, but couldn’t prove. We were indeed created in the same image and likeness of God, but there is a twist. God is neither a man nor a woman. God is an ape just like our early ancestors. Even stranger is the likeness that God has with Cornelius from Planet of the Apes.
See for yourselves and bear witness to your roots. Original coverup story here.
Related posts:
July 16th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
I for one welcome our new simian overlords. They can’t mess things up more than the Christians have already.
July 16th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
You fools! You’ve doomed us all!
The only thing that can save us from ourselves is Science, all hail mighty logic. Worried about the afterlife? Cured. Fear being Judged? Cured. Wanna know how?
http://pressesc.com/01184528191_cure_for_fear
July 16th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
That’s an interesting discovery there, Shaze. Maybe we can slip it into the water supply and cure the religious of their fear of non-existence, thus making religion obsolete!
July 16th, 2007 at 10:04 pm
I don’t know if I like the idea of “curing” fear…
“My God, that tiger is charging!”
“No it’s not, it just wants to say hello?”
“Are you insane?”
“Why be so worried? What are you, scared? Hello there, kitty…”
Fear serves a purpose, and an important one at that. If you can control what kinds of fear are limited, then you have something, and it looks like these guys have the right idea in mind, anyway.
————
Back to the article at hand, um…
Well, I read what gasmonso wrote, and thought, “Well, he’s making fun, I should at least read the article itself.” Then I read the article itself. The reasoning process in both was about equal. Hm.
July 16th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
I think it’s funny how X-tians aren’t aware that the descriptions of Angels in the bible talk about cloven-hoofed freaks with the face(s!) of farm animals.
Medievil artists didn’t like this because that image was already reserved for satan (well duh - satan was an angel after all), so they co-opted the image of Nike, the winged godess of victory, from roman art.
So X-tians prescious winged angels are actually a heathen pagan Godess (who also cross-dresses as a guy, I guess she must be butch enough to get away with it from all that victory-fueled testosterone).
But then again X-ianity is a form of idiocy, so it stands to reason this kind of thing would run through it… Winged ladies, Winged talking horses, fairies at the bottom of the gardes, sheesh!
July 17th, 2007 at 5:20 am
Haha, I love this one.
It has about the same ammount of logical reasoning as all those angel-pictures. The difference between them is that we laugh about this one, and believers hold up the pictures and call them “Proof”.
July 17th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
If those fools weren’t the ones in power, I’d laugh.
I hate religious people so very much.
July 18th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
The original picture makes it look more like Mufasa from the Lion King to me. That actually kind of fits in with the story: Simba looks at the sky and cries out for guidance, and then his father shows up in the clouds with a booming voice and everything.
July 19th, 2007 at 8:29 am
Blasphemaster Says:
“If those fools weren’t the ones in power, I’d laugh.
I hate religious people so very much.”
Its the former bit that concerns me. I don’t hate religious people at all, what I hate is religious people that want to force their ideals on me. Unfortunately, when those religious nutjobs get in power they do it all the time. Look at Shrub and his stance against stem cell research, faith based initiatives, etc. Another one would be the bans on assisted suicide for terminally ill patients. There is NO reason for that to be in place, other than the bible saying suicide is a sin. That is it.
July 19th, 2007 at 9:41 am
Any why are these people able to influence public policy in such a way? Because religion stresses the passing of faith to one’s spawn, a practice which I see as blatant Child Abuse. The majority religious freaks are indoctrinated from birth into the religion of their parents, often resulting in a life-long tendency to view all that is of one’s faith as good, and all that is not as vile. The scary part is that these people are allowed to vote in national and state elections (at least in my country), where their extremely misguided views influence public policy.
July 19th, 2007 at 11:37 am
I’m with Michael on this one. I do not hate religious people. I know plenty of well-intentioned religious people who truly motivated to change the world for the better. It just happens that they mistakenly believe their religious beliefs require them to vote certain ways that are detrimental to many, including themselves.
I happen to think that Christianity has been hijacked by conservatives who now claim a monopoly on interpretation. Most believers are only guilty of not thinking critically about those interpretations and trusting the hijackers’ authority. Reversing that is an obtainable goal. Eradication of religion is not.
Liberal religion can contain tolerance for disagreement, conservative religion cannot. Christianity used to value the liberal ideas of equality, tolerance, inclusiveness, and fairness. These have been largely abandoned in favor of respect for authority and in-group loyalty (and out-group animosity) with the rise of evangelical and fundamentalist Christianity. Here is an interesting commentary on the subject.
July 19th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Blasphemaster Says:
“Any why are these people able to influence public policy in such a way? Because religion stresses the passing of faith to one’s spawn, a practice which I see as blatant Child Abuse. The majority religious freaks are indoctrinated from birth into the religion of their parents, often resulting in a life-long tendency to view all that is of one’s faith as good, and all that is not as vile.”
Hey! Are you one of my alternate personalities posting on here?? You seem to be echoing a lot of my own long held beliefs. One of my big heartaches is the indoctrinating of children into the faith of their parents. Sure, they believe it. You brainwashed them from birth! I also feel that is child abuse. It is mental manipulation and it is absolutely despicable. It is also propagation of a historically hateful way of life. This refers to every organized religion I know of. They all teach hatred for people of other faiths, sometimes it is veiled and sometimes it is out in the open and obvious. And this you teach your children? Funny thing is, they will argue until they are blue in the face that THEIR religion is one of love and tolerance, etc. They must not read their holy book or do so with a blind eye.
Another thing I find funny. It seems that every christian I call brainwashed somehow never heard of it until they were “old enough to make their own choice”. Given the overwelming numbers of christians in the US, at least some of them are lying, if not most. Isn’t lying a sin?
July 20th, 2007 at 2:01 am
Funny thing is, they will argue until they are blue in the face that THEIR religion is one of love and tolerance, etc. They must not read their holy book or do so with a blind eye.
#def Believing_without+thinking GOOD
#def Thinking BAD
Those lines are in the source code of all these religious mind-viruses - it’s an important part of their DNA, they would neither propagate or persist without them.
July 20th, 2007 at 2:02 am
s/+/-/g
//sorry!
July 20th, 2007 at 8:39 am
Recovered, you do know that the vast majority of us do not know how to read regex right? :)
July 20th, 2007 at 11:28 am
I cant wait until I get my doctorate so I can perform a study: “The Religious vs. The Rational: A Longitudinal Study of the Effects of Religious Indoctrination on Individual Congnation”.
Go Psychology!
July 24th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
is this really the message we want to send these psychos? im sorry but this doesnt seem ReligiousFreaks worthy i want my favorite website back damnit….