The children of West Sussex eagerly emerged from the safety of their homes for the first time in over 40 years to celebrate the capture and subsequent removal of Jesus.

Jesus moved to the neighborhood in 1963 following the construction of his new home. Residents were immediately weary of their new 10-foot tall charcoal-skinned neighbor who stood outside day and night quietly, yet ominously, staring at passersby.

One resident who asked to remain anonymous said, “It’s a bit awkward that he’s outside day and night. I mean why would you build a home and not even use it. That’s just weird, yet I can’t help but feel sorry for him. He just looks so sad, like he lost his dog or something.”

While most adults cautiously welcomed Jesus, many children weren’t so accepting. Little 8-year-old Jimmy holding back tears had this to say, “He gave me the heebee jeebees and I couldn’t sleep at night. I’m so happy the scary man is gone.”

Complete story here.

Related posts:

  1. Pass The Doobie Jesus
  2. Jesus Is Back And He’s Puerto Rican
  3. Jesus Ain’t Never Drove!
  4. Christians Cash In On Jesus
  5. A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant